The first time I found out I was pregnant, I was nothing but excited. My baby was due on Christmas eve and I seemed like each week took a lifetime. Until I lost the baby. If you haven’t read my post all about that, go take a look and meet back here.
As Christmas eve was quickly approaching I was so incredibly afraid. I cried. I was so scared that Christmas would be too unbearable because I would be thinking about the baby we lost that we would have been holding if the Lord had another plan for us. As Christmas got closer, my period got later. I didn’t want to get my hopes up because ever since the miscarriage, my cycles weren’t exactly regular. Christmas eve I woke up around 4am because I needed to use the restroom. I thought, “why not, I’ll take a pregnancy test”. The lights were off and the only light in the bathroom was coming from the street lamps outside. But as soon as I peed on that stick I looked down and could see a plus sign! I took it to the kitchen and turned on the range light to get a closer look and boy was that line DARK! I couldn’t believe it! I couldn’t fall back asleep so I lay in bed and about an hour later I finally was able to sleep. But I couldn’t stay asleep so around 7am I got up and peed on another stick and the line was just as dark! I put two positive pregnancy tests in a plastic bag and wrapped them in a box with Christmas paper and a bow. I could not wait any longer so I woke Derek and told him to get dressed. He kept bugging me wanting to know why (I just wanted him to be a little more awake haha). When he finally got dressed I gave him his Christmas gift. My Christmas was far from ruined. I found out the very day my angel baby was due, that I am pregnant with our rainbow baby. But with the scars on my heart of what happened last time, I had so much fear. Why was my morning sickness seeming to go away? Only to be answered the next day by puking up my breakfast at work. This happened for a few weeks. Time would pass and I’d start to get nervous because I hadn’t felt any nausea in almost a week, only to throw up the very next day. I’m very lucky that my morning sickness hasn’t been bad though.
At around 8 and a half weeks I had my first prenatal visit. I was petrified. I was so so afraid there would be something wrong. My mom came with me because I was too afraid to go alone. I was very fortunate to get an ultrasound-which is not typical at a first visit- and was so relieved. As soon as the wand touched my skin I could see the baby, looking just as it should. “Perfect” was the only word my doctor said when she started moving the wand on my tummy. She pointed out to us the tiny heartbeat, flickering on the screen. Both me and my mom almost cried. I was able to rest knowing my baby was as healthy as it could be at that point.
As my second appointment drew closer, the anxiousness started to creep back in. What if they can’t find a heartbeat? The fear wasn’t as strong but it was there. Then my doctor listened for a heartbeat and there it was! Fast and strong just as it should be! What an amazing thing to hear that little heart fluttering inside my tummy!
When we found out, I decided we would announce the pregnancy to everyone on Valentines day! It is so crazy how fast time has flown. I feels like just a week ago that we just found out, but today was the day and the secret is out! As time goes by, I wonder if the anxiety will continue to decrease every time I hear the heartbeat, or hit a milestone. All I know is that I love this sweet life growing quickly inside me so very much and can’t wait for the journey we have ahead as a growing family!
Happy Valentines Day from the 3 of us!